The Radioactive Irn Bru: Vol. 1 No. 1 Part 2

With Colt brightly polished and snug against his hip, 14 dragged Max Tuller by his lab coat collar into Kings Cross Station. Leonard led the way to the checkpoint, with March following close behind.

“Hah, 2310,” Leonard said with a cocky air.

“Just open it,” March insisted.

“Give me the key,” he hit 14 on the shoulder.

“What key?” 14 looked confused.

“Oh great,” March sighed.

“Relax, it doesn’t take a key,” Leonard laughed. “I was just playing ya. It’s a combo lock.” He reached down and fidgeted with the numbers. “14, what’s the combo?”

“What combo?” 14 asked.

“Very funny,” March said. “Just open it already.”

“Not joking,” 14 said. “I don’t know the combo.”

March looked from 14 to Leonard. “Please tell me you know the combo,” she demanded of Leonard.

“Wow you said please,” Leonard was shocked. “What happened to ‘wave guns now and say please… well- never’?”

March reached for her own gun this time, but Max stepped forward.

“Perhaps I can be of assistance,” Max interjected. “Mr. Stiggs gave me explicit instructions. He said that when you two started to fight about the locker that I should step in and offer up the combo before she blows your head off.”

“Well why didn’t you say so sooner,” Leonard said, giving Max a big slap on the back. Max stumbled forward on impact and coughed and sputtered until his breath came back to him.

Max Tuller was short: 4’10”.  According to the LPA (Little People of America), Max is considered to be within the height threshold of a dwarf. He never really felt like a Dwarf until this exact moment, when the big beast of a man, Leonard, merely tapped him on the back and sent him flying. Max straightened the wrinkles in his white lab coat, lengthened his spine in an attempt to reach 4’11”, and unlocked the Checkpoint.

“Hold on a second,” 14 said. “How did Boss know she was gonna be here?” he asked pointing to March.

“Is she not supposed to be here?” Max asked, removing the lock.

“Define ‘supposed to’,” Leonard said. He reached in the locker and pulled out a pile of papers.

“Well done, kid,” 14 said to Max. “You’re on your way to becoming a Hunter.” Max beamed – he couldn’t read 14’s sarcastic tone.

“Ummm guys,” Leonard said flipping through the papers, “there are 6 train tickets here.”

“Maybe Boss made a mistake,” 14 said.  "Or maybe there was a group discount?"

“No mistake,” came another voice. The three (and-a-half) Hunters looked up to see two women standing before them.

“Those two tickets are for us,” the taller woman said. She had short strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes, and was wearing a black trench coat and black high heeled boots. You should never trust a woman in a trench coat and heels.

“And who are you?” Leonard asked.

“I’m Christina Sharp, and this is my partner, Sara Cane.” Sara had long jet black hair and piercing green eyes. She was wearing a tan trench coat and black high heels. The only thing you shouldn’t trust more than a woman in a trench coat and heels, is two women in matching trench coats and heels.

“Are they supposed to be here?” Max asked looking at the two tall, trenched women.

“There’s that phrase ‘supposed to’ again,” Leonard said eyeing the two newcomers.

“Stiggs hired us as back-up,” Sharp said, tying the black belt of her coat, tight around her waist.

“Hey – we work alone,” 14 said, hitting Leonard on the chest with the back of his hand, “just we do it… together,” he looked from Leonard to March to Max, “…in a sizeable group of 4.”

“I think what 14 here is trying to say,” Leonard started, “is that we don’t need you. So pack up your lipstick grenades and .50 caliber high heels go on back to London.”

“Hey! You have no idea how much of a bitch it is to walk around in fully-automatics all day long,” Cane said.

“Who ever heard of 5 ½ Bounty Hunters working together?” 14 shook his head. “What is the world coming to? Used to be it only took 1 of us.”

“Are you calling me half a Bounty Hunter?” Tuller smiled.

“Don’t let it get to your head kid,” 14 said.

“It would only take one of us,” Cane said eyeing Sharp.

14 drew his gun and pointed it at Cane. Cane quickly lifted her gun and placed it barrel-to-barrel with 14’s. Without hesitation, Leonard lifted his gun and held it against Cane’s head. Sharp instantly pulled off both her shoes and pointed one heel at 14 and the other at Leonard. March drew her gun and held it to Sharp’s head. Tuller whipped out an empty test tube and pointed it at Sharp. Then he nervously pointed it at Cane. Back to Sharp. Then he slowly placed the test tube back in his lab coat pocket and cautiously backed away to hide behind a row of lockers. The dwarf-of-a-man didn’t even need to crouch down to stay concealed.

“And yet they sent two of you,” Leonard said with a smirk.

“Yeah, one of us to pull the job, and the other to clean up after you two,” Sharp said. At that statement, Leonard and 14 both changed their aims to Sharp’s strawberryblonde bob cut. “Who is this girl anyway?” Sharp asked in a relatively calm manner, considering she had three guns pointed at her head.

“Name’s March,” she answered, nodding her head and tipping her gun in hello. Sharp and Cane nodded their heads and tipped their guns in response. It was common courtesy.

“I’m Max,” Max’s muffled voice sounded from somewhere behind the lockers. He raised his white lab-coated-arm in a simultaneous ‘hello’ and ‘I surrender’.

“Nice to meet you Max,” Cane yelled over to him in a surprisingly friendly manner. “And you must be 14,” she said playfully jabbing the barrel of his gun with her own, “your hat gives you away, which would make you,” she eyed Leonard, “Leonard. Stiggs said you were a big guy,” she said, prodding his belly with her gun.

Leonard changed his aim back to Cane. His arms were now tangled around 14’s, who was still aiming at Sharp. Leonard tried to play it off with a super cool line: “Now that we’re all acquainted,” Leonard said, “I’ll know what names to write on your tombstones.” He cocked his gun for emphasis.

Sharp scoffed and lowered her weapons. She grabbed her ticket out of Leonard’s left hand and placed it in her black trench coat pocket. Cane put her gun away in her tan trench coat and grabbed her ticket from Leonard too. “Thanks Leo,” she smiled and gave him two thumbs up. The two trench coats walked toward Track 17. Sharp struggled to put her gun-heels back on as she walked. March lowered her gun. 14 and Leonard remained in kill shot stance with their arms knotted about each others.

“You can’t just walk away!” Leonard yelled after them. “This isn’t over!”

“Yeah, and you better save me a window seat!” 14 yelled.

March grabbed two tickets from Leonard’s left hand, picked up Max from behind the lockers, and followed the Trench Twins to Track 17. She left Leonard and 14 still standing in their interlocked position with guns extended and ready to fire.

“You two coming?” March asked. They carefully untwisted themselves and joined the rest of their group on the train.

“Hey, Cane,” 14 said sitting down beside her arm. “Have you done the math yet? 3 men… 3 women… an all-night train ride…” he raised his eyebrows and smiled revealing yellow crooked teeth.

Cane winced and turned to Max. “Max, was it?”

“Yes. Dr. Max Tuller,” the little man replied.

“So how exactly are we going to get a sample of this radioactive material safely back to London?” Cane asked.

Max reached into his bag and pulled out what looked like a thermos. He unscrewed the lid of the silver canister and showed the inside to the Hunters. There was a network of coils wrapped around within the thermos.

“We pour a small amount of the affected Irn Bru into these coils,” Max said. “The coils contain a cooling medium that will preserve the radioactive liquid. There is a fluidic pump in the lid just here,” Max said pointing to a motor in the top of the canister. “The pump will keep the liquid constantly circulating, which will keep it cool.”

“What happens if the pump stops circulating the cooling medium?” Sharp asked.

“Then the decay heat will cause the liquid to boil,” Max replied.

“That doesn’t sound good,” 14 said.

“I’ve fitted this thermos with a reflux condenser to prevent the loss of cooling medium in the event of a pump malfunction. So once the liquid is sealed in this thermos, we are safe no matter what.”

“Why couldn’t Stiggs have just thrown that high-tech thermos in our checkpoint locker,” Leonard said. “Why do we need to bring you along for this?”

Max frowned and dropped his little head in defeat. “The radioactive element that Dr. Chrome is using is very dangerous,” Max said. “Mendeleuium appears in a gaseous state at room temperature and must stay cooled to remain in liquid form.”

“Yes, which is why we have this nifty radioactive fridge,” 14 said grabbing the thermos out of Max’s hands.

“Be careful with that,” March said snatching the thermos away from 14.

“I’m not worried about transporting the formula back to London,” Max said. He looked around at the Hunters. “I was told that Dr. Chrome’s laboratory is hidden within a dormant volcano?”

“Yeah.  So?” Sharp said.

“Well, if the cooling mechanisms within his laboratory were to fail, and the Mendeleuium were to change from a liquid to a gaseous state and mix with the burning vapors of the volcano…” Max started.

“Kablooie?” 14 asked.

“It could start a chain reaction, which may result in not just a volcanic eruption, but the release of this radioactive gas into the surrounding areas,” Max said taking the thermos back from March, screwing on the lid and placing it back into his bag. “Like I said, it’s not the liquid that I’m worried about. It’s the potential of the Mendeleuium reaching its Oxidation State, resulting in a volcanic eruption, our deaths, and the mass radioactive contamination of Great Britain.”

"Hmmf," Leonard said.

The car was silent, as the train pulled out of King’s Cross Station and chugged north toward the Scottish border.